FELLOWSHIP IN GOD’S ABUNDANT LOVE

(Step 10)



In one of the recollections that I had with the high school students, I happened to ask the students with regard to their own concept of God. A girl stood up, “ For me kuya, God is the only source of love that we have in this world”, she said. It was in this line of her we derived all our discussions through out the whole day. As a result in our sharing we found out that when someone plead to God something it would not appear automatically, God is somehow uses many avenues in responding his or her pleading, it might be our parents, friends, special someone, relatives, etc. These avenue also posses love that somehow we are not ware of.

It is true that our personal sharing of God’s love is not for our own benefit alone but we are obliged to extent it also to others. Graces coming from God is not something personal but a communitarian fellowship of love. This somehow is a requirement of being a true disciple of Christ. We can easily claim we love God with all our heart, with all our soul, mind, and strength. But the question is, am I doing the same to my brothers and sisters? How am I in my dealings with them? If we are going to claim it as our own alone, it is then that we become hypocrite before God and His people.

I remember during my interview when I’m about to enter seminary, one of the panelist the reason why I want to become a priest. I just simply answered him; “I want to become a priest I want to serve God through His people”. This line is a very common to all of those who wanted to become a priest and is the essence priesthood if I’m not mistaken, maybe not only to the priest but also to the lay. If our service to the people is grounded to the abundance of God’s love, like mother Theresa of Calcutta, we might see also the image of Christ in them.

True service is not all about materials things, giving their urgent needs, etc., but also showing unto them that they are loved by God that you are bringing. As what Fr. Toto have said, “ Ayaw ko ninyo ug pasalamati sa tanang maayong butang nga atong gipanag-ambitan sulod niining usa ka semester tungod kay dili kini akoa, gihimo lang ko nga instrumento sa Ginoo sa iyang gugma nga akong gipadayag diha kaninyo”. It is true that all the good things that we have are not our own but from God’s unfathomable love. The Father’s heart is revealed. This revelation of Jesus’ love transforms every human being and calls for service to fellow men with sincerity of hearts. It requires a total abandonment of our personal interest and desires to make our selves become a protagonist of this divine exchange. “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me (Lk. 9:23)”. “You must increase and I must decrease”.

ENDING UP WITH GOD

(Step 6)


When I was still a child, I have lots of dreams and ambitions in life. To enter in the seminary was not ever sense a part of those dreams and ambitions. To have a stable job with a good salary, luxury car, beautiful house, beautiful wife, etc., were the only thing filled in my mind. For me, these things could only be attained if I would strive more in my studies and continue to strive more also in the family obligations so that my parents would support me in my studies in college.

Those dreams and ambitions of mine were just remained as a dream because I was too stupid in my studies, to extent that I no longer have direction in life. I took lots of exams from different schools but it’s sad to say that I did not passed those exams even just one school. I started to slack hope during those times in my life. I thought nothing would happened in my life in the future. I just equated myself to a thing that has no life at all, no improvement. Until one time when my brother shared to me his experiences in the seminary, I felt a different kind of feeling within me. Without any hesitation, I immediately informed my parents that I would enter seminary. With my decision, they were all amazed and cannot believe that I could come up to such decision in life.

It was only in the seminary where I able to appreciate the importance of my life. The hopelessness that I had before was suddenly turned into new life in Christ. God therefore is the only source of happiness in life. It was in His loving revelation in me that made me realized His calling to a different kind of life. But an incident shaken deep faith to God when most of classmates were not permitted to proceed in theologate because of the unbecoming act they had done. I wonder why I was not included with those classmates of mine. Does God really willed it to happen? If so, why He excluded me? It was later that I found out, God is so generous to me because He gave me an opportunity to continue in theologate and permitted me to suffer such very shameful event that happened to the life of my classmates.

If I’m going to illustrate now the love relationship between God and me, it’s just like on the story of a Sparrow who was in love with a white rose. One fine day, the Sparrow proposed to the white rose, the white rose told the Sparrow that when she turns red that’s the time she would love him. The Sparrow tears his body and slowly spread his blood on the white rose and turn red, then the white rose feel in love with the Sparrow but the bird is no longer alive…that is love! It’s more on sacrificing and never letting go. I need to sacrifice the happiness that my classmates cherished during the outing because God do not want me to suffer more just like what most of my classmates felt. God is in me and I in Him.

PASSING ACROSS IN THE MIDST OF MY BEING

(Step 9)


I was once experiencing having a relationship that last for almost four years. I cannot deny the fact that having an inspiration in life changed my personality. I found out there in that relationship that my heart was filled with joy every time we met. I felt a sense of responsibility in her, a responsibility that calls for respect and trust. From being irresponsible person, my focus was suddenly changed into a responsible one. The feeling that I felt when we been together even in just a while was an unfathomable joy that perhaps no one could give it to me. But as time goes by, the perfect relationship that I thought started to declined because of some instances that makes us to doubt each others honesty. I thought that we already gave all the best that we have just to maintain our good relationship.
My case is some kind of different from each other’s experience. The encounter of Christ is somehow move from emptiness to fullness. I thought before that the relationship that we have with my girlfriend filled already my very being, but I found out in the later part that it was only Jesus could filled it. “ I have left everything just to follow you”, these line from a song that we always sang is a very relevant with my situation being called for the continuation of Christ’s mission.
The love relationship with God that one has can exceed to any other relationship that we cherished here on earth. I did not know who is this Christ before, but when the time I started to know Him and love him so closely my emptiness filled with His love, my heart is flooding with His love. Then I realized that I must to believe in Him as the one who lives in the midst of my being that I did not appreciate before. Perhaps, it’s hard for me at first to have an assent in Jesus Christ because I could sense His presence in me. The time I suffered great pains and sufferings in life it seems that He didn’t answered my prayers to Him. Are you really existing Lord? Experiencing such darkness in life puts me into a state that I am helpless and everything in me is no longer significant. The emptiness that was present in me would still remain empty. But as I tried to transcend all the sufferings, pains, failures, etc., it is then the time that I realized the tremendous presence of God in those experiences. My prayers were seems not answered because I did not notice that Jesus Himself was one with me in my sufferings. He was there when the time that I was very low and helpless before Him.
What then hinders me in realizing that Jesus lives in me and always ready to be with me no matter what happens. What is painful is that the evil one has used my past pains to be his trap for me to lose my sight of God. Instead of finding healing in Jesus and in my faith in God, I comforted myself with different “pain relievers” offered to me by the evil one. Even if I preferred to chose other pain relievers Jesus is still, constant and always in His offering to me for a new healing by filling the emptiness in me.

PRECIOUS GIFT

(Step 8)

Living in the seminary for how many years is quite not easy for young men whose life are different and difficult to live with. The concerns of this level are somewhat a life that has more freedom is being cherished. But how about those who entered religious life, do they still have freedom in everything they do? This is one of the many questions that often ask by people who did not have the amazing gift that is coming from God. The gift that I am talking is the gift of the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit that continues to fired up the religious desire of every one, without the presence of the Holy Spirit in everyone’s heart, no one would survived in preaching the gospel that Christ entrusted to each and everyone of us.
It was very awkward for me before to hear some testimonies with regard to people’s personal experiences with God in the Holy Spirit. Why did I react like that? It was because I did not appreciated and experienced the presence of the Holy Spirit that works already in me since from the beginning of my existence. It was only realized when I able to acquire some knowledge in discerning the Spirit would abide me in my journey towards God. The fullness in one’s emptiness of heart in God implies that in this way it is the experience in Him is the reason why such fullness one experienced. Surrendering to God altruistically shows a concrete experienced of God. It is just like saying that, how could we entrust to a certain person our properties if we do not know him or her personally and have no impression in him or her. Same through in offering ones life for God in service for the greater glory of His name and kingdom.
If this occasion in ones life is true and lucid the way we know our self in the course of history is, as with the way we know God. There were instances in my life wherein I experienced lots of unexplainable events that somehow made me to ask if is this just a kind of phenomenon or is this an experienced of God’s presence. Sometimes I just equated it as just a matter of coincidence that is similar to what is usually happens in me. But as I tried to go deeper in such experiences, I found out that it’s a marvelous experience of God already. What makes doubted the experienced of God? It is because of the unclear assent of God’s real manifestation in me because my impression in Him is just as little as the mustard seed but when it grows it can move mountains. That’s how faith grows induced by the truth that Jesus Christ is someone who is beyond in this world but lives among us.
This experience of the real presence of God is the energizer that ignites my whole world. The only precious gift that is given to me by the Father to guide me to the new world that I’m going to live few months from now. Even if I’m already outside, the quest is still continue and always in my priorities amidst of the possible new approach of life that I’m going to live.

THE DISTURBANCE, YET DIVINE

(Step 7)

When I was still in grades school, during Saturdays and Sundays I’m fun of doing some extra work just to earn money for my allowance in school. Selling ‘balot’ and fish were my sideline during my past time. I really earned money in those extra works of mine, and I gave some of my earnings to my mother and some to my brothers. Since I earned money in my own I started to have vices because I thought my parents would no longer reprimand me because I’m the one who sustained of my own vices. Still the fear to be scolded is still in my mind that’s why I used to hide before them and do vices in secret. Until one time mother caught me smoking in the comfort room. Without uttering any words she slapped my faced, I cannot utter any words against her because I was guilty of what I was doing. “ Mao ba kana ang akong gitudlo sa inyoha? Tan-awa imong mga magulang kung nagbuhat ba niana?”. I really hate my mother because that incident. I started not going home for how many days because I want to show to my mother that I really hate her. I was so rebellious to my mother, I insisted my own nonsense part that I was right.
As I tried to examine my wrong acts it was then I realized that my mother was right and nothing was correct with I am doing. It’s the voice of God who made see of the wrong doings that I’ve made not particularly on my mother but to God Himself. It was the reprimand of my mother that made me hear my own conscience. It was the voice of God that turns me away of the wrong principle that I was keep on holding as a true principle. Others cannot manipulate our own conscience it is we ourselves are the ones who is compelled to hear it. Others people are just an instrument to make waken us become aware of what supposedly our conscience is telling to us.
Reflecting to most of my nonsense experience, I realized that the voice of conscience is always looking after to what are the things good for us or for me. Even if those people who are no patience in doing things that can harm others and has no faith in God in away are still has conscience.

GOD?

(STEP 4)


Having studied in a public school, it was seldom for us to hear mass and any other catechisms about faith. If someone would diagnose us how we understood God, maybe lots of concept would arise. Even in our very own family we were not taught by ours parents with regard to the basics principles of our faith. It was only when I reached high school I able to know some attributes of God because of the seminars that I underwent as a sacristan in our parish. Even though lots of seminars and lectures I had underwent, still, my knowledge of God were not as deep as a have now.
When I entered seminary, one of my difficulties was that I don’t have any knowledge in prayers, meditations, reflections, etc., what I only known was the basic prayers that I learned from my mother, beyond that I don’t know anymore. That’s why, I hesitated to join any devotional group in the seminary because I dread to commit mistakes and become a subject of jokes by the members of the group. What I only did was, I buy a prayer book and keep on reciting it in my bed every night. During those times, my concern was just to memorize basic prayers not even striving to come to know the object of my prayers.
Before entering seminary, my concept of God was still the same as I conceived Him during childhood days. A God who is far from this world, who causes every in this world and the owner of everyone’s life. My knowledge of God was something a strange one, who just simply look upon us from a distance. But as we started discussing in our catechism class it was in there that I realized how God works in every individual in the redeeming act of Jesus Christ. The concept of God that dominates in my understanding of Him was banished because of the revelation that appears in me through the scriptures and some other instrument that God made used as a means.
God’s presence in me is still remains strange but communicable and empirical. Empirical because He is not far in me but lives in my heart. Perhaps His presence in me is an extraordinary because He can transform a heart that once became hardens for not striving to appreciate His great works in the whole of humanity. Living the presence of God follows understanding. It is difficult to acclaim that I do understand some of God’s attribute without having explicit faith in him. How could one speak about God if he doesn’t have any experience in Him?
The theoretical ignorance of God would somehow lead to a kind of concept that church is just an escapism when one suffers a lot in this world. But if we have an explicit faith and knowledge in Him trials are just part of human existence in order for us to appreciate the existence of God that is unique and superior to all humanity.

IN OR OUT

(Step 5)

Living in the seminary for almost six years has contributed a lot in the formation of my self to stand in my own feet. It teaches me how to face the reality of being chosen among the many and has an extra-ordinary life. The task that is being given to me by God is a very difficult one, it needs a total submission of a self that is genuine and true. Priestly life is not a race but a commitment to God and her spouse the church.
To decide what kind of life that I’m going to live in the future is one of the difficult decisions that I’ve made in my life. For me, following my heart’s hunger is a life. It needs to be reflected and must to be prayed in order to come up a good answer to this hunger. As of this very moment I cannot determine it absolutely but only a foretaste the totality of that hunger. I don’t have any regrets upon living the seminary for a while to venture more outside structure because I find it helpful in my formation. Formation does not limit only within the four corners of the seminary, it includes also out side seminary. Whether you are outside or inside seminary, I can still form my self, dealing with another kind of environment is somewhat a kind of formation that leads you to a greater realization of my own vocation.
How could I continue if most of the time I am bothered with so many concerns in life. I am now facing an extra-ordinary kind of heart’s hunger. I am still convinced that somehow towards the end it will still end up with the plan of God. Going outside seminary does not mean that I choose it already to be their forever but just to reflect more with another kind of environment.
It is then during this time that I able to realized that to follow our hearts hunger it leads us peace and joy in the heart. This could only be attained if we are honest with our decision because to decide not founded in prayer and reflection we could not come up with joy towards the end. These are the feelings that I’ve experienced as of this moments. It’s not easy to leave the seminary for a while because this has been my life for almost six years. But the very purpose of my leaving for a while is for my own good, for me to see more myself with another approach of life. If I able to find it later that my hearts hunger is not for priestly life, at least I would be happy. The only thing that I am sure as of now is that all of my hunger will still end up with God. I can still serve God outside priesthood.
I have lots of hungers in my heart, one of these hungers is to help people in need not only in material aspect but also spiritual. I have a need to be needed by people and I do not know in what sense it could be realized. That is why I need to try finding it outside the four walls of the seminary. If ever being outside priesthood I could not find it my real life there that could be the right time to pursue my chosen vocation. Outside or inside seminary is not a matter for me, as long as I can find my real hunger in life, it is there that I must give my best. I know that all of these will still end up with God.

PEnglish

THE CHALLEGE OF BECOMING

The experience of attending the ordination to the deaconate made me reflect on my own vocation. A lot questions came to my mind. One of those questions challenges me to imitate or follow the footsteps of the candidates. The question was, “Could you do the same?”

During the ordination of our T4 brothers to the deaconate, I was amazed as I arrived at the Cathedral because I saw a large number of people who were going to the ordination. But before the ordination proper, I, too, became excited just like the candidates. Together with the co-servers, we rehearsed the rites so that no mistake would be committed and the celebration would be a solemn one. After the rehearsal, we returned to the seminary but it was already late at night, that’s why I felt sleepy already. But on the day of the ordination, I woke up early in the morning to prepare the things needed for the celebration. After the light preparations, we immediately departed going to the Cathedral.

All in all, my experience gives me strength and challenged me to face all the trials that come my way in this long journey towards priesthood. I’m very thankful to God for giving me a chance to know the feeling of offering ones’ self to God. I realized that God really chose them for service to His people. Being real before God could be the only key in answering the very question in my mind until now.

PEnglish

DOING THINGS FOR THE SAKE OF GOD

As the semestral break was fast approaching, I really felt excited. Right after the exam, I immediately the things I needed for the short vacation. Immediately after the short gathering of our batch, I went directly to the terminal for buses going to Davao City. With all the excitement, I was not able to sleep during the long trip. After a seven-hour trip, I arrived in Davao City at around three o’clock in the morning. I was so glad as I got off the bus because my elder brother was there in the terminal waiting for my coming. We went to his boarding house and we had coffee there together with some of his board mates. Right after the short conversation with his board mates, we decided to go home. We arrived home at around six o’clock in the morning. I was very glad upon seeing the faces of my dear parents, who were, I’m sure, joyful at my arrival.

On the following day, I went to the parish, just to inform my parish priest that I already arrived. As I looked at the bulletin board in the office, I saw there in the board the long list of activities like recollection, seminars, lectures, etc. My parish priest immediately told me that those activities were already assigned to the seminarians. Since our college seminarians were still having their class until October 28, I had to attend to most of those activities. Almost every other day, I gave talk to the B.E.C. in our parish about the new system being implemented for the celebration of the All Souls’ Day. With all my courage, I did successfully in those events.

Those experiences led me to realize that being busy for God’s sake is not that boring. In fact, it gave me a chance to know what most of the common people in the BEC’s want and need in relation to their faith.

escapism......

STEP 3

A lot of questions will arise when we started talking about the mystery of our faith or perhaps the existence of God. People are always asking why a certain phenomenon happened or a calamity for instance, that causes death to their love ones. The problem here is that people are always thinking that they are okay but in reality they have a great need of the presence of God in their life. It can only be realized when they are already in the state of dying. They have the fear of where they go after death.

One of the reasons in this great shift of focus of men is the modern invention that we are using now. Man is too ambitious because he/she wants to equal God though his/her capacity to made things that are extra-ordinary. Because of this capacity, they were not able to appreciate the extra-ordinary capacity of God in doing things beyond human nature.

Thinking of something that is not empirical is a hard thing to do, that’s why many people don’t like in giving much attention in terms of faith matters. “To see is to believe”. This is one of the many expressions that most of us are embracing, we believe to something that is concrete and ca be seen. In this regards, how can faith works in its individual? But I do really believe that faith is something that is not in need to work for; faith in my own understanding is innate in man. Even those people whom we think that doesn’t believe in the existence of God has still faith. The act of not believing is already a manifestation of faith because if he or she doesn’t have an assent to it he’s no longer exerting an effort of not believing in it. Faith is a none negotiable aspect that is present in man. By the fact that it is already in man it comes out naturally and is not noticeable sometimes. Other says that they don’t believe everything that is beyond human capacity or human knowledge but they are not aware that they used to it often times.

Imagining of something that is related to religious matters is no longer significant in this new generation; even kids are looking already of someone who is like Super Man, Bat Man, Spider Man, etc. These are the characters that manipulates their imagination which is in real sense doesn’t have an existence. Faith in God has no room anymore in their imagination. Their concept of God is no longer a loving but a God who always takes revenge to those who are not good. These are one of the many consequences of those parents who are not aware in nurturing their children about the value of our faith.

Experiencing the real presence of God is the only way in order for us to become more committed to our assent in faith. How could one teach to others the real presence of one who becomes the subject of our faith if he or she in his or her deepest being doesn’t convinced the real presence of God? Paradigmatic sense of faith is very important aspect that one must be developed so that others may able to see in him the true presence of God in the words he utter and the deeds he made.

artificial world.....

STEP 2

No doubt that human as we are moving in this world under the so-called systematic approach. Practically, it really helps because we can easily move on if we just simply follow what it demands to us. But the question is that, how it appears to us? Are these systems that influenced us wither it is good or bad? How can we express the true self if these external forces that somehow bring us to confusion are dominating us. By the fact that is nonnegotiable already, the best thing that we need to do is that be sober and always be prepared for the possible circumstances to come in our day-to-day living.

Societal practices are very influential in every human being because it is just like an epidemic that slowly enter into your body system. Just for instance, the systems in our government today, politicians are just simply adopting the evil system of governance it’s because it has been accepted by the society. That’s how powerful is the prevailing culture in our society today. If we are not aware in this prevailing culture, we too can be a subject of it. Most people are always criticizing the wrong system wherein they belong, but not knowing that they were funned to use in it.

Our personal history that was being under by a system has something to do in realizing we responded my personal commitment to faith. With all the good and bad things we’ve done before, on the latter part we may able to realize that faith is all about of service. All of us has its own history, a history that somehow associated with our deep faith to God. Even myself taught to people the importance of faith in our lives but sad to say that I fail to show to them how I live my own faith to God. One of the great reason why I cannot absolutely express my faith of God unto them because I presume that being in the seminary as a seminarian is already a deep expression of my own faith. Later on I discovered that faith doesn’t limit only in meditations, prayers, novenas, number of masses that I attended, etc. but realizing it through actions. How can one boast of himself that his a man of faith if in his own actions cannot be seen.

It’s no longer negotiable that our world today is full of ‘atik-atik’, most people are using different kind of faces just to gain money for survival. What most people think are longer the best (quality) that they can offer but quantity. Subjectivism becomes a very influential today, what they think is correct they will really pursue in it even if it is wrong. They don’t see and sensitive that in them there’s still an emptiness that no one can fill. The attention of the people is fixated to things that they think can give them satisfaction in life.

Once again, I am challenge upon living in this world of allurements. The article that I have read reminds me how to inject the values of Christ in this existing culture that we are in. It somehow helps me to focus on things that can help me in promoting a counter culture and be able to make people realize and notice how they manage the gift of faith that God has given unto them for service to our brothers and sisters. No matter how poor we are, we’re still need to be on ground and try to think what’s the best thing we can offer to our brothers and sisters out of love from God.

Theology of Faith

STEP 1

No one in this world can easily claim that he/she discovered his/her true self without knowing what are the falsities in themselves behind bars. As humans, we are surely filled with experiences wherein we draw strength and sometimes lead us to be down because we cannot find it relevant in our present life. But unknowingly, having such good and bad experiences, one may found out who really he/she in responding an acting in it. Because of false self, on may have an experience of the unknown. Experiencing such fear of the unknown, we no longer have the freedom, and the possibility could be a vague decisions.
As the golden rule says, “good decisions can only come from true self; bad decisions spring from the pressures and panics of the false self; therefore do not make decision when ‘down’.” In fact it’s really true. Just for instance, a husband or a wife who made a very crucial decision in their commitment by having a divorce because of the problem that is quite negotiable in real sense. Upon looking their abandoned children, one of them will found out and ask his/her own self, why I made decisions out of confusions? As other people would say, ‘there’s no regret that comes at first’, but if one is only rooted to his true self and be able to know his weaknesses, it is quite easy for us to face and made big decisions in life and no regrets will appear in the latter part.
Knowing own self is one of the very hard realities to be accepted. No one can easily accept upon talking all of his/her negatives. But, as long as you are aware that you possess a kind of reality that the false one is dominating your true self, it is then the time that you can start remove your false self and proudly show your real and true self. If you in the state of being confused, we can easily arrived to a conclusion that your self is a divided self. Just like for instance in the saying, “united we stand; divided we fall”, the same also with our self, how can we move on and arrive to a genuine end if our self is not united. We could no longer express our true self because we may say that this has been the practice of the many or shall we say, the external forces that dominates us and had influenced us since from the very beginning of our existence. What dominate us now are the external forces that we think that become a component of our being.
Behind of all the realities that we acquire before, wither true or false, will still gives us an insight to know deeper of who we are in real sense. The chain of experiences that we have will help us and has something to do in discovering the real self because it is there in our experiences wherein we can draw insight of who we are in the past. We may able to notice what are the common expressions of ourselves during those moments in the past.
One of the great reason why most people cannot come up, for instance, good decisions, it is because of the lacking in time to listen in his/her self. The awareness that our self is also in need of much attention, and listen to it intend to say to us. Just for instance in the seminary context, if a seminarian or even a priest who do not have time anymore in himself, everything in himself has no meaning at all and can be equated as a daily routine. Listening our self through prayers and meditations will give us more meaning, every other day in our life would be different and every new thing that will come in our way will serve as a blessing because we are true and genuine in it.